It’s Tutti Tattoo Time

If you exist, breathe air, walk on land, and have D+ boobs, you have probably heard of the new kid in town: Tutti Rouge. Image

As if it was not enough that they offer a fun, flirty,and girly range of bras in an incredible size-range (28-38 DD-J for their first offering, Lilliana and 28-38 DD-HH from the gorgeous Betty), they keep dreaming up new ways to make their fans happy.

First it was the Friday For Five contest series, which gifted five lucky fans with various Tutti gifts, from candy to lingerie, over the course of five weeks. Then after that? Well, they decided it was time to stop playing Little League, and start playing hardball.

Enter: The Tutti Rouge Tattoo Competition!

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What’s Up For Grabs:

The entire Autumn/Winter 2013 collection!

No, really! I would never jest about free lingerie.

What To Do:

It’s simple! Send an email over to HI@TUTTIROUGE.COM, requesting one (or many) of their adorable Tutti Rouge temporary tattoos. (Make sure to include your full name and postal address, lovelies!) Once your temporary ink has skipped to you from across the pond, slap it on and get creative! Get your friends together, brainstorm, go somewhere cool. Show off your Tutti tattoo, snap a few pictures, and wham bam! Enter your photo under the “Tutti Tattoo” contest tab on the Tutti Rouge Facebook page. It couldn’t be any easier!

Why Would I Do This?:

Need I remind you? THE ENTIRE A/W2013 COLLECTION. Allow me to demonstrate…

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and that’s just a taste!

If you aren’t falling over yourself to get to your computer after that sneaky-peek, then there is no hope for you. What are you waiting for, ladies?! Go, go, go! 🙂

“What about Parfait? Everybody loves Parfait!”

That line from one of my favorite childhood animations is serving as inspiration for today’s post, fair readers. But instead of layers of yummy granola, creamy yogurt, and decadent fruit, I bring you the other other Parfait: Parfait by Affinitas.

If you’ve been following my blog, you’ve probably realized that I am no stranger to Affinitas Intimates. I loved their Charlotte set so much that I purchased both styles–one in each color. I wore them until I outgrew them (*sniff sniff*), and then passed them on to loving homes. When I got my paws on the Danielle set, (which I reviewed here.) I fell truly-madly-deeply for her girly details, amazing fit, and vintage charm. Within the same week, I received the “Casey” set in the mail: my prize from a giveaway over at Venusian Glow.

And let me tell you, folks. She is incredible.

As per the Venusian Glow giveaway, I received the Casey molded plunge bra in European Nude (size 34FF) and matching boyshort bottom (size XL). At first, I was hesitant to try out a new plunge t-shirt style bra, as everyone who knows me will tell you: the Freya Deco holds a special place in my heart. Would Casey match up? Could she hold a candle to my beloved Deco? Only a trial run and time would tell. After wildly tearing at the packaging like a caged animal  delicately cutting the tape of my perfectly packaged new set, it was only a matter of minutes before I had my new bra and bottoms on my body.

I have to be honest here, folks. It was not dizzying love-at-first-sight, but more of a slow burning affection that took a bit of time to build. Quite possibly,  I can attribute my hesitation to the fact that I was comparing a new item to an old favorite (bad, bad Jessica! Horribly unfair!). Whatever the reason may be, it took me a few wears and some fiddling around to get truly comfortable in Casey–but it was was well worth it! Before I get into the reason’s why you need to love her as much as I do, let’s talk asthetics:

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Casey is billed as a molded plunge  bra, it’s coloring labelled as “European Nude”. I found the color to be quite a bit darker in-person (left) then on the lovely promotional pictures on the website (right). (I find that sometimes, professional cameras and equipment have the power to do that. Such is life.)  She features three sets of three hooks-and-eyes, and half-adjustable straps. The sides of the cups are decorated with subtle-yet-pretty lace edging, and there is an itty bitty bow smack dab in the center of the gore. Precious.Casey_Plunge-Molded-Bra_2801_Boyshorts_2805_European-Nude2

As far as bras go, Casey is a wonderful basic. Though her color is far from “nude” and would definitely not serve as a nude bra for all skin types (it is several shades darker then my own practically translucent very fair skin,and not dark enough for those of us blessed with more melanin), Casey can’t be discounted as a go-to bra for regular use. Her cups are smooth and seamless under even the thinnest of t-shirts, with no risk of the dreaded “headlight” effect caused by errant nipples in the cold. The lace detailing on the cups is subtle, but still jazzy enough to up the Adorable factor of this otherwise plain piece. And the center gore bow? Well, I love bows. ‘Nuff said.

Which brings us to a discussion about the fit. Truth be told, Casey and I did not get along right away. I took one look at her and thought “Oh holy shit, those cups are huge, too huge, WTF was I thinking?!” However, shallow boobs be damned, because once I had swooped and scooped all of my errant breast tissue into the cups, I filled them perfectly. Not a quad-boob in sight, and I got some lovely, subtle cleavage. I get a tiny bit of empty space in the very top of the cup if I lean forward, such is the life of us sloped-breasted ladies.  I was positive that this bra was cut too high under the arms, as it was initially cutting into my armpit area quite uncomfortably. However, as with any bra, a little bit of strap-fiddling-for-comfort fixed the issue. As far as the band is concerned, the 34″ band that I chose fits perfectly. My experience with Parfait is that their bands run a bit small, and I don’t think that this model is any different–a 32″ band would probably cut off circulation to my brain. I love how firm and supportive this band is, and can not rave enough about the three sets of hooks-and-eyes. (All the more supportive, huzzah!) Despite my initial hesitations, Casey has become my favorite (and best fitting, at the moment) part of my everyday-bra-wardrobe.caseybottoms

I would take real-life photos of the matching bottoms to this set if they weren’t sitting in a basket of clean clothes, two hours and two states away from me. The Casey short features the same stretch lace and bow-detailing of the bra, and are beautifully constructed. However, I don’t know if I overestimated the sizing of the XL that I chose, or underestimated the size of my derriere, but those suckers were tiny! While they were still wearable in that size, I am keeping a keen eye on the interwebs, should an affordable pair in a size 2XL pop up. My rearend requires a little bit more coverage then the extra large had to offer me. 😉

All in, I would recommend Casey to anyone in search of a pretty-yet-basic everyday bra. Molded cups and girly details come together to create a wonderfully wearable wardrobe staple that every woman can use. Just remember, ladies. If you’ve got more junk in the trunk then your average Jane–size up in those bottoms! Find your very own Casey over at Amazon!

(PSST! I’m so in love with Casey that I’m on the lookout for the powder blue version in a 34FF! If anyone sees one and would let me know, that would be incredible!)

Dear Douchebag,

Dear Douchebag,

I’m sure that it was pretty evident to you that you made a bad choice.

Of course I’m talking about the choice you made to tell me that I am only a lesbian “because I haven’t met the right man yet”. It may have been my “Oh no he DIDN’T” facial expression. Or, it could have been the fact that my retort was “you just asked a question that would get you punched in the face in some circles”. What you probably didn’t realize–or maybe you did, because I’m not good at hiding my emotions–is that the urge to actually punch you right in your smarmy mouth was hard for me to resist. Resist I did, though, because I’m a motherfuckin’ lady.

I wish that I could say I’m surprised at your ignorant mindset. Alas, no, because not five minutes before you said what you said, you referred to your girlfriend as “a nice pair of tits”. Thank you for that, because I was really hungry for a nice misogyny-and-objectification sandwich. So listen here, pencil-dick, because I’m about to impart on you some much-needed information about things you obviously know nothing about: like tact, manners, and how to NOT be a douchebag.

Lesson One: Just Because You Worship Your Penis, Doesn’t Mean Everyone Does

I think that this is a very important lesson for you to learn. While you may have a hard-on for your own, there are women (lots of us!) that don’t need an XY chromosome in their lives in order to feel complete. Trust me, honeychild, I can lift heavy things all by myself. I don’t need you to kill the spider on the wall for me. I don’t need you to build the dresser I just bought from Ikea. (This edit-out is for you, commenter Mark! 😉 ) Despite what you may have been taught, I don’t need a penis in my life to define who I am as a person. I would also note that it is especially unwise to assume that you know a damn thing about someone that you’ve only known for 45 minutes.

Lesson Two: Rudely Objectifying The Woman You Are Dating Is Not Funny

You sir, are not funny. In fact, I’ve seen more hilarious jokes come out of a gag reel from 1983. I don’t know for sure if you were trying to get laughs when you completely dehumanized the woman you are supposed to love. Maybe that’s just your personality. (NOTE: If so, you have a shitty personality.) I actually don’t know what you were trying to achieve, but I can assure you that all you managed to do was make yourself look like an ass. I have to say, my heart goes out to your girlfriend. Because if that’s honestly how you think of her, she needs to get the hell outta dodge before you try and rope her in for life.

Lesson Three: Think Before You Speak

I know this one is probably asking a lot from you, because this last lesson requires you to actually use your brain. I think that with time though, even YOU can learn how to think before you speak–thus avoiding situations like this in the future. Think about it. Think about how rude it is to assume you know something about a person you never met. Think about how inappropriate to pass judgement on another person’s life, without knowing anything about it. Think about how fucking offensive it is to my girlfriend: the insinuation that I would actually leave the amazing woman that I love just because some meathead with a penis came along and “swept me off my feet”. There’s a hell of a lot more to it, homeslice, then what your peabrain is capable of understanding. And no, just because you cite your sister as a source (“My sister was a lesbian, then she got a boyfriend and she isn’t anymore”) does not count for all lesbians–or her for that matter. She could be bi, or pan, or straight, or gay, or whateverthefuck she wants to be and just like me, DOESN’T NEED YOU DEFINING HER SEXUALITY.

There you have it, man-boy. Three simple steps, and you’re on your way to escaping the debilitating Douchebaggery that must affect your everyday life. I can assure you that if you just listen to me, you will be well on your way to changing your life for the better.

And if you don’t want to listen to me? Well, judgement can be a two-way street. You tell me that I need a man to make me straight,I tell you that your pathetic pubic-hair mustache makes you look like a pedophile. Cheers! xx

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The “New” Normal

You should have seen her face.

You should have seen her face when I leaned in for that kiss. Panic. Fear. Involuntarily, her whole body shifted as far away from mine as she could get within the confines of the tiny red car that she drives. She didn’t say anything at first, but her actions spoke loud and clear: no no no no no. And then after that? A curt and nervous: “Yeah, ok, bye.”
My heart dropped, and my face flooded with embarrassment. In that moment, I felt like the little boy on the playground, chasing the little girl and seeking out an ill-advised first kiss. Except, in this scenario, I’m not a little boy. I’m another little girl, and that makes things a thousand times worse.

“It’s the PDA. It’s the uniform.”

I tell you. I can actually smell the bullshit from here.

Because if I were her husband, or she mine, and we were living in some hunky-dory heteronormative fantasyland, this would have never been an issue. But I’m not, and we aren’t, and despite living in a newly post-DOMA country, in a marriage equality state, it is still not “ok” for me to kiss my girlfriend of nearly a year goodbye. In front of exactly zero other souls. Apparently it is ok, though, to treat the woman you love as if she’s some sort of leper. Unintentionally or not.

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While there is a part of me that rages at her, the more sound, logical part of my brain realizes: this is not her fault. After all, she lived a military life long before DADT was repealed, and a hell of a lot longer before the recent DOMA ruling. She lived a life that she had to keep hidden, lest she lose everything she worked so hard to achieve. Old habits, and all that. And even now, in this newly emerging country, I’m willing to bet my entire left leg that there are some dirty scoundrels working in the higher-ranks that would no sooner toss her (and others like her) out for “one reason or another”: just because’s she’s gay. It’d all be a matter of convenience. The military is wrapped so tightly in tradition, I can understand her fear. But I can’t understand how continuing to keep things hush-hush is going to change a damn thing.

Some of you are rolling your eyes at me. “It’s just a kiss” you say. “There are more important things.” Well, sure, asshole, there are more important things, like world peace, and equality, and liberty and justice for all. And while my (lack of a) kiss on a military base can’t even hold a candle to the fights and struggles of other military couples like Ashley Broadway and her wife Heather Mack, it’s what I have to offer right now to our fight for equality. (Seriously, if you just crawled out of your hole and don’t know who she is, read her story. That woman is incredible, and is one of my modern day heroes.) If you still think that this is so simple, the point that you’re missing is that this fear of “just a kiss” has derived from something a hell of a lot more evil. It’s bigger then “just a kiss”, and if you would get your heads out of your asses, you’d realize that.

It’s about showing everyone that this “new normal” is not new at all. We’ve always been here. Now, we can just show it more freely without being (as) afraid of losing our jobs or our lives. It’s about showing the people who are against us that: A) We are just like them, and B)We are not going away.

I refuse to “tone it down” or hide who I am for someone else’s comfort. I’m not streaking in the streets–I’m kissing my fucking girlfriend goodbye before she leaves for a long workday. I’m holding her hand as we walk through a city park. I’m buying groceries, and taking them home, and cooking her dinner–just like everyone else. I have never, ever felt shame about my sexuality. I have never felt fear of showing who I am. Who knows. Maybe it’s just my personality. Maybe I don’t give two fucks. (Scratch that, I definitely don’t give two fucks.) And here’s a newsflash to you, (Far-Righties and religious zealots especially) I NEVER WILL. I know that I’m lucky to even have the option to be as outspoken and aggressive as I am. Many LGBT community members live in places where it is downright dangerous to even resemble “gay”. And because of that, it is even more important that I keep fighting: for myself, and for those who can’t. It’s because of people like Ashley Broadway, and Edie Windsor, and even the little voices like me, that one day, we will be equal. This is the new normal, and it is here to stay.

(You know, I never did get my kiss this morning. I, in my signature hot-headed Italian way, walked off in a fury. But my love gets done work in ten minutes, so we’ll see. I’ll admit: I’m taking a chance publishing this post. It has massive potential to land me right in the doghouse. I could be sleeping on the proverbial couch for a while. Oooor….she could wise up, and I might finally get that kiss. 😉 )

Wishes Granted (Parfait by Affinitas “Danielle” Review)

Have you ever been so excited about something that you actually felt like Christmas came early?

Because that is really the only comparison that I can give to the feeling of receiving an email from the lovely folks over at Large Cup Lingerie after I posted up my Lingerie Lust List back in the beginning of June.

“Would you like to try out the Danielle set by Parfait?” they asked.
“Yes.(!!!!!)” is the only applicable answer to that question,every time, all the time, no matter what.
Only a week later, after a run-in with the Post Man and an out-of-the-way trip to the post office later, I had my hot little hands on my new set. And my, oh my, I was in love.

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I actually tore open the box in the parking lot and rode home from the post office with the 34FF longline bra and size XL bottoms perched on my lap. My mother was highly amused at the sight of me stepping out of my car, brandishing a brand new bra and panties,sans wrapper. I ignored her chuckles, because there were more pressing issues on hand: getting that new set onto my body as quickly as possible. I’m going to be really honest with you all here: this is easily the best longline bra that I have ever tried. (For reference, I also own the Playful Promises “Dominique” and the Freya “Piper”, which are both lovely, but don’t fill the space in my heart that Danielle does.)

Aesthetically speaking, this set definitely aims to please! Danielle features gorgeous dusty pink satin with ivory lace embellishments on both cups. The center gore is dotted with three tiny fabric covered buttons in ivory satin to match the lace. I was concerned with this bra being too light colored for my practically translucent very fair skin. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find the color not only flattering, but beautifully feminine and ladylike.

20130708-142356.jpgfeast your eyes on my blinding whitness!

The band is boned, and has three sets of five hook-and-eye closures for maximum support.
…DID I MENTION THE BAND IS BONED? Do you know what that means? It MEANS if you have a slightly flared ribcage (reporting for duty, sir!) your lovely longline band will not, in fact, roll up as if it’s trying to make a break for the border. Nope, that sucker stays put. (Cue angels rejoicing and birds singing, because hallelujah! my prayers have been answered.)

The cups are a tiny bit east-west on me and just the slightest bit pointy, but I attributed that to the retro feel of the set. I popped a sweater over this bra just for shits-and-giggles, and was pleasantly surprised with the not-quite-bullet-but-still-vintagesque results! I was a little concerned that the cups may cut into my underarms (an issue I had with the Casey model by the same brand), but am happy to share that they are just right: no cutting, rubbing, or bruising for miles around! Same goes for the straps: no cutting in, digging, or being an otherwise pain in my ass. (Yes, I know, “the straps on a well fitting bra shouldn’t cut in, blah blah blah”. I get that. But guess what? Even Fuller Figure Fuller Bust agrees that sometimes, even a “perfectly fitting bra” isn’t quite so perfect.) Oh, and another note: them being only half-adjustable has affected me and my small-shouldered frame in approximately zero ways.

Anyone who knows me will tell you that I have an affinity for matching undies. This set is no different, and I was lucky enough to be offered my choice of either the matching high-waisted bottoms, or the shorts. True to my lust-list and my love of vintage everything, I chose the high-waisted panties, and…wow. I made the right choice!

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In the same gorgeous dusty pink/ivory color as the bra, the bottoms boast a luxurious satiny fabric, and feel amazing next to my skin. I was pleasantly surprised that they hit exactly above my belly-button (as high waisted items should!), instead of hovering below it (Which I usually deal with. Thanks, long torso!). They are light-weight, breezy, and have the look of expense without hitting the wallet too hard! The only “negative” aspect of these (and I say “negative” very, very lightly) is that–because of my waist/hip ratio–they could stand to be taken in about a half inch on each side so as to accommodate both my ginormous bum and my not-so-ginormous-in-comparison waist. However, it isn’t every retailer’s job to shape their products to my specific body type, and an alteration that tiny definitely doesn’t have me complaining.

I have to give major props/Internet High Fives to both Large Cup Lingerie and the folks over at Affinitas. Large Cup Lingerie (who I fondly refer to as LCL) has supported me in my blogging endeavors since the beginning. They have brought many of my readers to me through the sharing of my posts, and were officially the first company to offer me lingerie to test out. (I can not describe to you the excitement. I squealed. It was ear-shattering.) They are truly a wonderful company, comprised of beautiful, positive, honest individuals, and I can not recommend them enough! (Plus, free worldwide shipping anyone!? Whoo!)

And Affinitas, who couldn’t love Affinitas? First of all, they’re a US based company, and with the recently passed Independence Day, I can’t help but get the warm ‘Merican fuzzies at that fact. They recognized a needy market and provided an affordable, quality product to fit those needs. And just when you thought they couldn’t get any more awesome? They announced that they had, infact, listened to our cries, and were expanding their size range to include 28″ backs, and up-to-a-K-cups.
So here’s the deal, folks of Large Cup Lingerie and Affinitas? Let’s get drinks. First round’s on me. 😉

***Lingerie provided by Large Cup Lingerie. All opinions are my own. And if you have any doubt that I’m willing to post a negative review for a pro-bono-product? Check out my WKD Torsolette review, hmmph.***

**UPDATE**
One thing that I forgot to mention in my review (bad, BAD Jessica!) that was brought to my attention by a reader: the cups on this bra are a bit shallow to start (no deep plunge off into the cup from the underwire, here!). While I have soft breast tissue, and can mold easily to the shape, this may not work as well on a firmer/fuller breasted woman. As I have no experience with being either firmer or fuller, I can’t say for sure. All I can say is that I absolutely adore this bra, and found that it suited MY body perfectly. 🙂

An Open Letter

Unless you’ve just now crawled out from the cave you’ve been hiding in for a few weeks, you’ve probably heard that recently, the United States Supreme Court has ruled both Section 3 of the Defense Of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 8 as unconstitutional.
As a member of the LGBT community, I am rejoicing in this news. And as such, I’m taking a break from blogging about undergarments to write an open letter to the Supreme Court, as well as to all the gay-marriage “haters” (my god, I hate that term, but it’s so appropriate right now.) out there.
Ahemhemhem….

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image from TheNewCivilRightsMovement.com

Dear Supreme Court,

I wish there was a way to put this delicately…
It’s about damn time!

Admit it, you probably made up your minds way before last Thursday. DOMA and Prop8 were probably a done deal halfway through the hearings, but you just had to make us sweat it out, didn’t you? I mean, waiting until the very last day to hand down rulings on two of the most landmark cases in history? Pure publicity stunt, for sure. Pure genius, because the internet exploded about 25 seconds after the rulings were announced, but still. A little cruel, guys, a little cruel. I sat on pins and needles for weeks, waiting to hear if I would finally be considered equal under the eyes of the law. And imagine, at 22 years old, I have hardly seen any hardships compared to the discrimination that the older, wiser members of the LGBT community have experienced.

It started at Stonewall, and it will end with you. Because 5 out of 9 of you thought enough to remove your heads from your asses, millions of American citizens can sleep a little more soundly at night, knowing that if anything were to happen to them, they wouldn’t have to worry about their partners being barred from their bedside. I don’t have to worry about being viewed as a second class citizen by the USAF, should my girlfriend and I decide to take the plunge and wed. Our children would be eligible for military benefits, just like any other military children. I would like to extend personal Internet High-Fives to Justices Kennedy, Breyer, Ginsburg, Kagan, and Sotomayor for being the ones to say “Up yours” to DOMA. I’ll buy you all drinks, the next round’s on me.

As for Justices Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Alito?

Where is my javelin? Because those bastards deserve to be javelinned RIGHT OUT OF THEIR SEATS AND INTO OBLIVION. Perhaps, Justices, someone needs to remind you of your job description. Maybe then you’d stop trying to push your ridiculous, bigoted agenda on the rest of the country. If you four can not see the blatant and disgusting discrimination that was written into that now by-gone law, you need to have the prescription of your bifocals checked.

An extrasuperspecial “Fuck Off!” to Antonin Scalia for his frothy dissent of the court’s decision, wherein he gave special comment to “homosexual sodomy”. Slow down, ol’ boy. You certainly have a lot to say about what happens in homosexual bedrooms. Battling some inner demons, eh?

So that’s it, folks. We’ve won this battle. Though the war is far from over, we can rest easy for a bit knowing that this time: we won.