Unless you’ve just now crawled out from the cave you’ve been hiding in for a few weeks, you’ve probably heard that recently, the United States Supreme Court has ruled both Section 3 of the Defense Of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 8 as unconstitutional.
As a member of the LGBT community, I am rejoicing in this news. And as such, I’m taking a break from blogging about undergarments to write an open letter to the Supreme Court, as well as to all the gay-marriage “haters” (my god, I hate that term, but it’s so appropriate right now.) out there.
Dear Supreme Court,
I wish there was a way to put this delicately…
It’s about damn time!
Admit it, you probably made up your minds way before last Thursday. DOMA and Prop8 were probably a done deal halfway through the hearings, but you just had to make us sweat it out, didn’t you? I mean, waiting until the very last day to hand down rulings on two of the most landmark cases in history? Pure publicity stunt, for sure. Pure genius, because the internet exploded about 25 seconds after the rulings were announced, but still. A little cruel, guys, a little cruel. I sat on pins and needles for weeks, waiting to hear if I would finally be considered equal under the eyes of the law. And imagine, at 22 years old, I have hardly seen any hardships compared to the discrimination that the older, wiser members of the LGBT community have experienced.
It started at Stonewall, and it will end with you. Because 5 out of 9 of you thought enough to remove your heads from your asses, millions of American citizens can sleep a little more soundly at night, knowing that if anything were to happen to them, they wouldn’t have to worry about their partners being barred from their bedside. I don’t have to worry about being viewed as a second class citizen by the USAF, should my girlfriend and I decide to take the plunge and wed. Our children would be eligible for military benefits, just like any other military children. I would like to extend personal Internet High-Fives to Justices Kennedy, Breyer, Ginsburg, Kagan, and Sotomayor for being the ones to say “Up yours” to DOMA. I’ll buy you all drinks, the next round’s on me.
As for Justices Scalia, Roberts, Thomas, and Alito?
Where is my javelin? Because those bastards deserve to be javelinned RIGHT OUT OF THEIR SEATS AND INTO OBLIVION. Perhaps, Justices, someone needs to remind you of your job description. Maybe then you’d stop trying to push your ridiculous, bigoted agenda on the rest of the country. If you four can not see the blatant and disgusting discrimination that was written into that now by-gone law, you need to have the prescription of your bifocals checked.
An extrasuperspecial “Fuck Off!” to Antonin Scalia for his frothy dissent of the court’s decision, wherein he gave special comment to “homosexual sodomy”. Slow down, ol’ boy. You certainly have a lot to say about what happens in homosexual bedrooms. Battling some inner demons, eh?
So that’s it, folks. We’ve won this battle. Though the war is far from over, we can rest easy for a bit knowing that this time: we won.