Stop The Hate: A Discussion on Girl-Hate in Popular Music

So there I was.

In the bathroom, up-close-and-personal with the mirror and a mascara wand (mascara face and all), jammin’ out to some dance tunes on Spotify and putting on my face for the day.
Just minding my own business, when it hit me like a ton of bricks: the amount of woman-against-woman hate in music is TOO DAMN HIGH.

The tune in particular that got the wheels a-turning in my head was a popular (albeit older) one: Pretty Girl Rock by Keri Hilson. Here’s just a sampling:

“Mad ’cause I’m cuter than the girl that’s with you”

“Girls think I’m conceited ’cause I know I’m attractive. Don’t worry about what I think, why don’t you ask him?”

If my iPhone wasn’t so precious to me, I’d have Hulk-smashed it into oblivion out of sheer frustration.

Pitting woman against woman? Basing your opinion of yourself on what a man (and not just any man, someone else’s man!) thinks of you? Keri Hilson, you should be ashamed of yourself. Of course, Keri doesn’t shoulder all of the blame. This kind of catty-girl banter is interwoven within every genre of the music industry, and the female population eats it up! One of the worst offenders is an artist I love: Carrie Underwood.
In her hit song “Before He Cheats”, Carrie sings about a “bleached blonde tramp” that her boyfriend is “getting frisky” with in the bar. She talks down about the fact that the woman in question can’t handle her liquor (don’t even get me started on the sexist/misogynistic undertones of this!) refers to her as white-trash…the list goes on. At no point does she clarify whether or not this girl that she’s verbally destroying has knowledge of the guy’s relationship status. And while this may seem like no big deal because it’s “just a song”, I think it’s very important to realize that while this is an imaginary example, this kind of stuff actually HAPPENS.

Almost every time I’ve heard about a cheating ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, the woman that was cheated with is always referred to as some sort of “slut”, “whore” or “bitch”:and not because she was aware of the cheating, but simply because she was involved. Regardless of her knowledge of the relationship, she is automatically branded as a harlot simply for being “the other woman”.

And do you know what, readers? I think that’s horrible.

20140114-000335.jpgShall we slap an “A” on her chest, too?!

If your significant other cheats on you with an unsuspecting individual, the blame should be placed SOLEY on them. If they sneak around behind your back with someone else and she is also being lied to, then you aren’t the only person being hurt, and she certainly does not deserve to be subjected to a verbal tongue-lashing. In more extreme cases, she definitely does not deserve to deal with harassment, acts of vandalism, or bodily harm. Instead of placing the blame on the actual perpetrator, women rage at someone who is possibly just another victim, because it’s easier: easier to blame a stranger, easier to dehumanize someone you’ve never met than it is to hold the right person responsible.

Think that’s bad? How about Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me”? Now, Taylor is the Queen of Pining Over Someone Else’s Boyfriend, but that track takes the cake. It’s your typical boy-meets-girl-girl-likes-boy-boy-has-a-girlfriend-so-let’s-slut-shame-her storyline: insinuating that this boy’s fictional girlfriend is somehow awful because they don’t like the same music, because she doesn’t “get” his sense of humor, and she must be a slut because “she wears short skirts”. To some, it’s a catchy pop-country tune but let us not forget that our impressionable daughters, nieces, and friends are listening to these songs that condone slut-shaming and disrespecting the boundaries of relationships. Teens and Tweens practically worship these idols, so it’s doubtful that these harmful messages are falling on deaf ears. Essentially, popular culture is telling girls that this line of thinking is acceptable.

Except, it’s not.

Slut-shaming, name-calling, lying, disrespecting and cheating are all regarded as generally unacceptable behaviors, and yet the music industry tells a different story. These woman-hating-woman songs and albums are mainstream, and so commonplace that adults don’t even bat an eyelash at them. Young girls tuning in is a non-issue, when in fact it should be just the opposite.

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So, how do we break the cycle? For many, the idea of cutting out the influence of the mainstream is downright preposterous, but changes can be made without cutting ties. Conversations need to happen. As a former teenage girl, I understand that communication can be downright impossible at times, but if parents and mentors take the time to talk to their girls, they will listen. (They might roll their eyes, but they’ll listen.) Talk about the basics: how to treat others, basic respect, self-respect. But what I think is most important is to lead by example. If our girls see us balking at these negative girl-hating messages, chances are they’ll do the same. Want more? How about a Girl-Positive Playlist:

1. “Girl on Fire” by Alica Keys

2. “Who Says” by Selena Gomez

3. ““Strip Me” by Natasha Bedingfield

4. “F’in Perfect” by Pink

5. “Hard Out Here” by Lily Allen*

What do you think, readers? Is it time to stop the girl-on-girl hate? What’s atop your Empowerment Playlist? Sound off!

*Four minutes and twenty three seconds of delicious satire, addressing the same sexism, objectification, and negative messages that I just soap-boxes about. Lily Allen, the next round is on me. You go, girl.

Lingerie Lust List: Birthday Edition!

Now that Christmas has come and gone, and I have cured my New Year’s Eve hangover, it’s time for me to discuss the next holiday in my life. It comes but once a year, and it is easily my favorite one of them all: my birthday!

That’s right, readers. On January 18th, I’ll be turning 23! I don’t know where the time went–it seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating my 18th birthday, and the beginning of my venture into “adulthood”. I wouldn’t change a thing about my upbringing as it has made me into the woman that I am today, but I can definitely appreciate that for-the-better changes that I’ve made (both in regards to lingerie, and otherwise!). And because I think everyone’s allowed a little dreaming on their birthdays, I’ve compiled this special Birthday Edition of the Lingerie Lust List. Enjoy!

1. “Falling In Love” by Fraulein Annie

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of Fraulein Annie’s designs. Once upon a time I owned their Falling In Love bra/brief in my proper size (four cup sizes ago), and I’ve featured their “Bye Bye Mein Herr” set on a previous Lust List. There’s something about the luxury elements, quality fabrics and vintage-inspired designs that makes my heart flutter just a tiny bit faster. (Pretty lingerie does that to me the way that a pretty woman might. Tomato, tomato.)

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“Falling In Love” by Fraulein Annie
Fuller Bust Bra 30D-38G: Approximately $79.00
High Waisted Panty Girdle UK8-18: Approximately $79.00

Originally, I’d had my heart set on the Falling In Love in Pearl/Grey. The realization that that particular color combo would most likely disappear against my fair skin left me searching for another alternative, and in that search I discovered the cinnamon/almond colorway. While it is available in a bra, fuller-bust bra, thong, short, shaping short, panty-girdle, and shaping suspender belt (options!!!), it was the panty-girdle/full-bust bra combo that really does it for me. Cinnamon colored satin with cream-colored lace details? As far as I’m concerned, that’s the perfect combination of sweet and sexy, with the high-waistedness of the bottoms adding that bit of vintage charm that I love. The “Falling In Love”set has ticked all of the necessary boxes, and has definitely earned it’s place in the number one spot on my Birthday Wishlist. (My girlfriend isn’t a fan of this one, however I sweetly suggested that she schedule an eye exam.) Crazy over this one? Need to have it? Grab your own from Large Cup Lingerie or Hepburn&Leigh!

2. “Carmen” by Curvy Kate

Alright, alright, alright. So I’m cheating a bit. Some of you may recognize this little number from a Lingerie Lust List of long ago. And you’d be right, but you have to hear me out!

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“Carmen” by Curvy Kate
Longline and Balcony Bra Available in Sizes 28-38 D-J
Short, Thong, and Suspender Available in sizes UK8-20

Way back when, all I knew about this gorgeous little number is that it was pink, and I wanted it. A Spring/Summer 2014 offering, the only information that I had about the Carmen set was a photogrph. No name, no pricing, no nothing. Now, with Spring/Summer 2014 releases impending, I started to get a lot more excited. Just about three days ago, Curvy Kate announced Carmen’s debut on Figleaves.com! As of right now, the longline, thong and suspender are available for sale! In the future, the Carmen set will be available in a Longline and Balcony bra, as well as a short, thong, and deep suspender belt. It will be available in sizes 28-38 D-J, with the bottoms available in sizes UK8-20. So, if Curvy Kate would shut up and take my [birthday] money, I would greatly appreciate it.

3. Pearl by Tutti Rouge

Tutti Rouge is one of those brands that ticks a lot of my boxes. (Gorgeously girly designs, quality materials, affordability, and an extensive size range, to name a few.) I own the Betty set from bygone weeks, and it’s an absolutely stunning part of a fantastic debut collection from the brand. With all that in mind, it’s easy to understand why one of Tutti’s offerings has weaseled it’s way onto my Birthday Lust List. Meet Pearl:

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Pearl Bra and French Knicker by Tutti Rouge
Bra: 28DD-38HH Approximately $47.00
French Knickers: S-XL Approximately $23.00

If I’m being completely honest with you folks, it was those French Knickers that sold me right from the get-go. I imagine floating (yes, “floating”. “Walking” is not nearly graceful enough.) around my apartment, sipping tea from an antique cup and saucer, and crooning along to “La Vie En Rose” in my sultriest of voices. Overactive imagination or not, those are some seriously sassy undercrackers, and there’s a clear spot in my lingerie dresser (Yes, dresser. Not just drawer.) with their name on it! As I’m clearly lingerie-obsessed, the added bonus of a matching bra is almost too tantalizing to resist. I’m waiting for my birthday money to snag mine, but if you’ve got some extra pennies in your piggybank, you can grab your own Pearl set over on Tutti Rouge’s Webstore!.

4. Garden Party Girdle Skirt by Dottie’s Delights

Alright readers, confession time. I talk a big game here at Warning:Curves Ahead. I fully believe in good lingerie and I’m not afraid to pay the price for quality materials and superior fit. That being said…I’m also a full-time Nanny, not the CEO of a Fortune500 company, or a television superstar. While I try my hardest, I can’t always shell out a lot of money for a piece of lingerie that I adore.
However, exceptions are made. I don’t always need toothpaste the way that I need, oh, say…this Garden Party Girdle Skirt from Dottie’s Delights:

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Garden Party Girdle Skirt by Dottie’s Delights
Sizes XS-XL, 1X
$130.00

My name is Jessica and I’m addicted to vintage-inspired lingerie.
Can you blame me? Seriously. Look at it. Pink, Sage green, Chantilly lace, deadstock vintage fabric. Keep whispering those sweet, sweet words to me Dottie, because I am so buying what you’re selling right now! The Garden Party Girdle Skirt features six vintage garter-clips to hold up your stockings, and strong power-mesh to hold in your tummy and smooth out your bumps-and-lumps. (Oh, come on. Everyone has them!) Dottie’s goodies are made-to-order in sizes XS-XL, and 1X. Each piece takes 2-6 weeks for delivery, while rush orders are accommodated as much as possible. If your fingers are itching for this piece of vintage-inspired heaven, pick up your own from Dottie’s Delights!

And there it is, folks! Four lovelies that have clawed their way to the top of my Lingerie Lust List. Just four, because any more and I’d be a greedy gal! I’m stashing away my Birthday cash with this list in mind, and come February there will be a few new additions to my ever-growing collection of underthings! Anyone else with a birthday coming up? Share your lust-list in the comments! 🙂